Memories of the Past
by momiji-k
Summary: What secrets do the past hold for Roy and Riza? How did they meet and why did Riza promise to protect Roy? The memories of the past catch up with the current day. MAJOR Manga Spoilers. Chapter 6 is now up! Roy x Riza
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist, I think that is obvious.

**Author's Notes:** This was inspired by the most recent chapter of the manga, chapter 58. I just downloaded the raw and read the translations for the first 14 pages. WOW! It's awesome. I look forward to reading the rest.

Major spoiler here, be warned if you haven't read chapter 58. We find out who Roy studied Alchemy under and I use that in this fic. It's a BIG spoiler.

Roy's alchemy sensei, about 5 sentences, and the set up are based on chapter 58. I took what I saw and ran with it.

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**Memories of the Past**

**Chapter 1**

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Roy just couldn't understand why his alchemy sensei had never become a state alchemist. The man had researched alchemy his entire life, but so much more could be done with the grants available to a State Alchemist. Why was he so against the Amestris military any way?

A State Alchemist was a soldier in the military, or "dog of the military" as Hawkeye-Sensei called it. A State Alchemist's primary job was to research alchemy. Although in this time of war it was obvious it would also be their job to protect their country.

Roy didn't really think about the impending war as much as he should have. He only thought about his desire to help people and protect them. If only he could have foreseen the truth.

He had come by for one more desperate visit. He had to make his sensei understand how he felt. He wanted to help people with his alchemy. There was so much more they could do. He wanted to become a State Alchemist, but he wanted the support of his Sensei to reach that goal. He wasn't quite good enough to take the test yet. There was still more to learn.

Hawkeye sensei had been sick for a long time. He had a disease that infected the lungs. The doctors knew little about this disease and even less about how to treat it. Despite his strong will, today would mark the end of his struggle. Roy's voice was filled with passion as he pled with his sensei about becoming a State Alchemist.

Hawkeye sensei would hear nothing of it. He was passionate about his view as well. Although he was unhappy with Roy's decision to join the military he still thought to teach him alchemy's greatest secrets.

He spoke of alchemy and power. How he had wanted to teach Roy the things he had wanted to learn. That was until a coughing choke of blood muted his words.

Roy shouted for help, as his Sensei lay across the desk. Dark red blood flowed out from his mouth and from between the fingers which tried to contain it. Roy's only thought was to try to get him to a doctor as soon as possible. He pulled Hawkeye sensei's limp arm around his neck and hauled the larger man out of the chair and struggled towards the door of the study.

Suddenly the door flew open and a startled Riza appeared before them. She gasped as she used the door for support, suddenly becoming weak in the knees.

"Riza!" Roy's voice sounded shaken and a little startled. "Get a doctor!"

With panic and fear in her eyes Riza made her way to the phone as fast as her legs could carry her. She wasted no time or words when she was connected with doctor Hamel. "This is Riza Hawkeye, father has collapsed, there's a lot of blood. Please come quickly!"

"I'll be right there." The doctor also wasted no time with words. He had already hung up before Riza had time to reply. Riza prayed that he would make it.

"Roy!" Riza's voice called from just outside the room. She came through the door and took her father's other arm around her own neck. "The doctor is on his way." She was shaken and her skin was so pale that she looked as white as a sheet.

"Let's get him to his room." Roy tried not to let the panic he felt in his own heart be conveyed in his voice.

They had just laid him down on his bed when the sound of the front door opening could be heard from downstairs. "Hello!" Doctor Hamel's voice echoed from the foyer at the bottom of the stairs.

Riza jerked away from the bed to go fetch the doctor when Roy's hand on her shoulder brought her to a halt. "You stay. I will go get the doctor."

All she could do was nod as she turned back to her dying father. As Roy hurried out of the room she collapsed to her knees at the side of the bed and took his hand in hers. She silently prayed for a miracle. But it seemed against all hope; he was barely breathing and by all rights should most likely be dead. She could no longer contain her sorrow as unshed tears began to spill out from her grief stricken eyes.

The doctor rushed to the bedside and began to examine the motionless body. Riza stood on unsteady legs and stepped back from the bed. It obviously was hard to do so. She herself looked as if she might collapse at any moment.

Roy stood behind her and silently looked on as the doctor did his work. He placed a steady hand on her shoulder to let her know he was there. Grateful for his presence she turned to him and leaned into his shoulder. Tears were still spilling out of her beautiful eyes.

"Roy, I'm so scared." She chocked out through sobs. Her body heaved against him as she tried in vain to control herself. He wrapped protective arms around her fragile form and held her close to him as she wept.

She wasn't ready for the doctor's harsh words or reality. Doctor Hamel stood to face Roy and Riza. "I'm sorry, there was nothing that could be done." There was a slight pause, and then he continued. "He's gone."

Riza's entire world was falling down around her. She felt as if life it's self was suffocating her. Her legs would no longer support her weight and she began to slip towards the floor. Her cries of anguish were all that could be heard throughout the quiet house.

Roy followed her descent to the hardwood floor, easing her down gently rather than letting her fall. Roy didn't want to leave her there to cry on the floor. He stood with the intent of speaking to the doctor but his thoughts were interrupted before he himself could speak.

"Please see to the young miss. I will have the body brought back to the clinic where we will prepare it for the funeral. Mr. Hawkeye already made the arrangements ahead of time. He did not want his young daughter to bear such a burden."

Roy nodded in acknowledgment to the doctor. "Thank you, doctor." That was all he could really say. Although he showed no sign of a breakdown, inside his heart ached.

"You should get her to her room. I will see myself out. I will contact you with the details for the funeral later." Doctor Hamel gestured to the door as he spoke.

One again Roy nodded. He scooped the crying Riza up and cradled her in his arms. She made no attempt to resist. She just continued to cry, now huddled against him. Her head buried into his shoulder.

Once they left the room the doctor followed them out and closed the door behind him. Roy carried Riza down the hall to her bedroom where he laid her down on her bed.

She immediately covered her face with her hands and rolled to face the wall. Her crying never subsided until she finally fell asleep some time later that evening. Roy stayed with her the whole time. He held a bedside vigil from the chair he removed from her desk across the room.

He just couldn't leave her alone right now. There was no one here for her, only himself. Her mother had died when she was only three-years-old and she had no siblings. She had a grandfather in the military, her mother's father. But he was away on military business and wasn't expected back for some time. Roy wasn't even sure if he could be reached.

He was the only one there for her. He would take care of her, even if he hadn't been asked. The words echoed in Roy's head_. Take care of her. Please, take care of my daughter. _They became mixed with the other words he spoke just shortly before he died. _My daughter knows all of my research. If she feels you are worthy she will show you the secrets._

As far as he knew Riza didn't study any alchemy. He was baffled as to how she could help him complete his learning. He had been studying alchemy for a while now and there was no way he could teach someone at this point. How was someone who had not even studied it going to teach him?

These questions and even more questions about what the future would hold plagued his mind until sleep claimed him as well.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Notes**As of 6-18-07 I have updated this fic with chapter 5 as well as fixed up chapters 1, 2, & 4. Fixes for chapter 3 will soon follow.

Please review! I would really appreciate it.

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Memories of the Past

Chapter 2

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It had been two weeks since the funeral. In that time Riza was starting to adjust to life on her own. It was really hard on her. Since she could remember it had always been just her and her father. Her mother had passed away so many years ago that she couldn't even remember her presence.

It wasn't like Riza couldn't fend for herself. Roy was sure she would have been just fine on her own. But her father had asked Roy to look after her. It literally was his dying wish. So Roy had been staying at the house with her since her father's death. Roy was pretty sure he would have done so even if he hadn't asked.

The house wasn't far from Eastern Headquarters so it worked out pretty well. The first couple of days were pretty rough. Riza spent all her time in her room and Roy hardly saw her at all. Roy had to coax her into having a decent meal. He convinced her that her father would want her to go on with life. It wasn't healthy to keep herself locked up like that.

She had thanked him for all he had done since her father's death. She didn't know if there was ever anything she could do to make it up to him. Roy told her that all he wanted was for her to live her life the way she wanted to. Roy thought he had seen her smile at that.

This really wasn't like Riza at all. She was usually quiet, but Roy had come to know her pretty well in the six months or so that he had studied with her father. She was somewhat of a tomboy and good with guns from what he had heard. She really was a strong woman. But even a strong woman has a weakness.

During his stay at the Hawkeye residence Roy continued his studies of alchemy. His sensei's study had a large library of books from which Roy read several each day after coming home from Eastern Headquarters. It had been a good opportunity to study for his upcoming exam. The State Alchemist exam was in a little more than three weeks. He still had lots to do and he really did need to get back to the dorm.

"I am going to have to get back to the dorm soon. Will you be ok?" Roy asked as he helped Riza clear the dishes after finishing dinner.

"It's been two weeks since father's funeral." Riza drew in a short breath and continued. "Roy, you've helped me through the worst part of things. I will be fine. Thank you for all your kindness. Please do not worry about me. You have an exam coming up that will need all your attention."

"I would expect you to say something like that. Please make sure you aren't just saying that so I won't worry about you." Roy couldn't help but give her a suspicious look.

"I'm fine, really. It's ok." Riza was quite energetic in her reply. "Besides, you _will_ come visit won't you?"

"Of course I will!" Roy's voice was adamant. Like he was defending his very honor.

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Riza had wrestled with the decision all night. When she awoke this morning she still didn't have a clear answer. Roy's State Alchemist exam was in three weeks. He still wasn't sure he was good enough to pass. If only he had been able to learn more from her father before he passed away. That was the key. The key which she held.

She held all the secrets to her father's work. If Roy was deserving of them she was to share those secrets with him. She was sure he was worthy. But still she hesitated. Why?

It was really hard for her to know if it was really right. Was the fact that he was worthy based on her feelings for him? Or was he really worthy of those secrets on his own character?

Before she knew it the morning had crept into after-noon. Roy would be coming over soon to check on her. She needed to be prepared to show him the sigil. But now that she had decided to go through with it she was presented with another problem.

She never really allowed herself to think about it before. What did this mean? It meant she would be standing half-naked in front of the young man who had stolen her heart.

Although she couldn't deny the fact she would find it hard to resist giving her self to him it was something she knew was unlikely to ever happen. But showing him the sigil was real and it was on her naked back. Life could be cruel sometimes. Most of the time, in days of late it would seem.

Upon Roy's arrival she wasted no time. Riza didn't want to lose her nerve at this point so she didn't even let him speak as he came through the door.

"Roy there is something I would like to show you. Please come with me." Riza turned from him and headed towards the stairs just beyond the front door.

The staircase seemed twice as long as normal to Riza. Every footstep echoed in her ears as the stairs creaked and groaned in protest to their weight. Roy followed her down the hall past the study, which was the first door to the right at the top of the stairs. They continued on their path to the last door on the left which was none other than her bedroom.

Roy had to admit he was slightly puzzled at this point. He made an extra effort not to read anything into this gesture. Although he always behaved like a perfect gentleman to her and even went as far to treat her like a little sister at times, he couldn't lie to his body. He liked her, he like her a lot and he wouldn't turn down an invitation to her bedroom.

"Father wanted me to show you the secrets of his alchemy. That is… as long as you use them in the right way." Her voice broke the long silence as she entered the room and stopped in its center.

Now it all made sense to Roy. He finally let his mind loose from the unwilling strangle hold he had on it. No doubt she kept all the research papers hidden in her room, a logical place.

Or at least Roy thought until logic once again eluded him and he noticed her unbuttoning her shirt. With her back still turned to him it was now obvious that said shirt was about to slip off her shoulders. Roy felt a lump in his throat as the shock registered in his brain. Somehow he found the voice to speak. "Riza! What are yo… Oh my god…" Roy suddenly became speechless again.

On her back was a complicated array with many languages written over it. The array's details were precise and sophisticated. All of his research, his sensei's life's work was displayed on his daughters pale flesh.

"I can't believe what I'm seeing Riza. This is incredible. It also must have been painful for you. I am surprised your father would let you do this." Roy was quite excited at first glance of the sigil but then realized this was Riza's own flesh he was looking at. He wondered what possessed her father to put there of all places.

"It was my idea." Riza's voice was steady as she spoke with pride. "Father wanted me to learn alchemy but it just wasn't for me. My talent was for guns. An odd gift of a talent considering my father hated the military. I'm not so fond of it myself as you know."

"I'm sorry." Roy bowed his head before her, even though he knew she could not see him.

"It's ok. I know you only joined to help people. I don't fault you for that. I just hope they don't take advantage of your kindness. You have a kind heart Roy. People will exploit you. Please be on your guard."

"Thank you, Riza. I will try my best to watch my back." Roy took a pause as his focus was shifted back to the sigil. "May I take a closer look?" Roy didn't dare approach her body without her prior permission.

"Of course, that's why I brought you in here. I thought it would be easier if I lay down on the bed."

Riza moved to the bed, carefully, not to expose her half-naked body. Upon reaching the bedside she reached behind her back and undid the clasp on her bra. She held the garment to the front and laid face down on the bed.

Without thinking Roy reached out to touch the sigil as he examined it. Riza flinched at his soft touch. His hands were warm and felt smooth on her unspoiled flesh.

Roy blushed a little as he realized what he had done. He quickly removed his hand and stammered an apology. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get carried away. It's just amazing. There is so much detail. All of his research really is right here. I just didn't understand what he meant when he told me you knew all the secrets. It all makes sense now."

"It's ok." Riza didn't seem to have any hint of anger in her voice as she spoke. Roy was quite relieved by that. "I don't mind, really. It was just an involuntary reaction." She paused for a moment and her voice suddenly became shy as she continued. "I'm just not used to… a man's touch…"

Roy knew he should say something so she wouldn't feel uncomfortable. Coherent thought just wasn't there though. At those words he suddenly remembered again that she was very much a woman. Although many looked upon her as a tomboy he thought she was quite attractive.

He finally gathered his thoughts as he remembered the real reason they were here. "Riza, would you mind if I took some notes?"

"Of course not. Please feel free to do what you need to do to unravel the mysteries of my father's alchemy secrets." Riza wasn't sure if the previous quiet moment was a good sign or a bad one.

"That's fine. Take all the time you need." Riza settled her head into the pillow a little more. She decided this might be a while so she might as well be comfortable.

Roy shortly returned to her small bedroom. Pulling the chair from the desk he sat down beside her and began to scribble his notes. Occasionally he would touch the sigil sending a warm tingle throughout her back like a small jolt of electricity.

When he was finished for the night he let Riza know he was going to fetch a couple of books from the study. She told him she would see him out once she got dressed.

When Roy left the study he saw Riza waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs. The sight of her made his heart dance. He wasn't able to ignore these feelings he had for her any more. But sadly he felt all he could do was admit them to him self. He just didn't think it would be right to do anything more than that. He felt he needed to protect her, but anything more he thought would be taking advantage of her.

"Thank you for showing me your father's secrets." Roy spoke to Riza as he came to stand before her. Reaching out for her hand he took it in his and brought the back to his lips.

Riza's heart pounded in her ears as Roy Mustang placed a soft kiss on the back of her hand. She felt as if she would faint before him. She always had seen him as such a gentleman. Only a gentleman would thank a woman by kissing her hand.

She couldn't help but blush as a small smile crept onto her face. "Good luck on your exam, Roy."

"Thank you. But I still have a long way to go. I tried not to take too many notes. I am sure your father didn't want this information to fall into the wrong hands. I made sure to only write things that would make sense to me, not anyone else. But because of this I might need to see the sigil again." Roy gave a slight pause. "If it's ok that is."

"Of course, any time." Riza gave him a sincere smile.

"Good. I'll be back in a few days." With that Roy smiled back at her and let himself out the front door.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Notes:** I had a bit of trouble at first, I was unsure of which direction to head this time.I decided to dig deeper into a couple more scenes that the manga set up for us. I am not sure how far I will take it, but I was thinking of going all the way through to the current manga chapter. Maybe further. If that is the case I have a lot of work ahead of me. We will see what happens. Please let me know what you think and take time to leave a review. It means a lot to me and I appreciate it.

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**Chapter 3**

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6 months later- Central City

The small house was in need of a new coat of paint as the previous one chipped away under the sun's gentle rays and the wind's harsh lashings. Each window was adorned with shutters, save the one window to the right of the front door. That one was missing the shutter to it's right.

The stairs leading up to the front of the house had four steps that opened up onto a porch that stretched in both directions covering the front of the house.

Maes Hughes knocked loudly on the front door but to no avail. He knew exactly why no one would answer. It really made no difference since the door was not locked. Maes sighed and turned the rusted doorknob to let him self in.

It was dimly lit in the small living area as all the shades were pulled to the down position. There was a sofa and coffee table, a small table by the door. A fireplace on the wall to the left was a nice source of heat in the winter. Aside from this sparse furniture the room was empty of all signs of life.

Maes turned to his right and followed the hallway that led to the bedroom, bathroom, study, and basement door. Opening the door at the end of the hallway he followed the creaking stairs on their decent under the house.

The walls of stone separated the large room from both sunlight and moonlight. Despite the fact there were no windows the room was dimly lit by lamplight. There were bookcases filled with books on alchemy and science. A large workbench was covered with papers, chalk, and various bottles of liquid.

In the center of the room Roy Mustang was hunched over the floor, a large array drawn with chalk at his feet and a sheet of paper in his hand. He appeared to be comparing the two for discrepancies.

"It looks like you have been busy Roy." Maes' voice broke through the dreary silence of the dank basement room.

"Unlike some people I don't sit around idly and pretend to have an important job." Roy's reply came with a smirk as he stood from his position near the floor.

"Is _that_ what you think of the investigative department? And to think I came here with an update for you too." Maes couldn't resist his own smirk as he replied to his friend's sarcasm.

"So? What do you have for me?" Roy sounded a little impatient, as he likely wanted to get back to his research.

"The war front is getting more desperate." Maes turned serious very quickly as he spoke. "Any of the military schools near the conflict have been sending the new recruits into battle." Maes paused and then continued. "For those who have not completed their training the war is being used as the ultimate field exercise to complete their schooling."

Roy stood silent for a moment as the words started to sink in. "Riza!" He couldn't hide the look of panic on his face as he came to the realization that she would most definitely be affected by this.

"She's been training for 5 months, her class has been divided up and assigned to several different units. They leave for assignment next Tuesday." Maes finished up his weekly Report to Roy.

"Damn it!" Roy couldn't think of many words at the moment, his mind was too focused on the impending danger she would be in.

"She's good Roy. I don't have to remind you she's at the top of her class." Maes eyed Roy as he spoke with confidence. "She'll be just fine, she can take care of herself. "It's you that we all worry about." A mischievous grin played at his lips as he added that last jab in.

Roy made an intelligible grunt of acknowledgement and protest. "Thanks for your vote of confidence. But you don't need to worry about me. My only plans are to stay here and continue my research for the good of the people."

"That's all well and fine Roy, but the military isn't going to see it that way. I don't know what they are waiting for but there is a lot of talk behind the scenes at Central HQ." Maes became deadly serious once again. "The alchemists are going to come into play soon. If it's true then the war will soon be over. Ishval doesn't have anything that comes close to the power of the alchemists. It will be nothing short of a massacre."

Roy remained quiet, lost in his own thoughts. Would he really have to fight those people? What about poor Riza, she could be on the front lines by next week. Why?

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5 months later- Ishval Front Lines 

Riza Hawkeye sat poised and ready at the top of a three story building in the heat of the Ishval desert. She lay across the sand encrusted flat top roof with a dingy tan cloak covering her blue Amestris military uniform. She surveyed the landscape through her scope settling her eyes upon three soldiers.

Roy Mustang and Maes Hughes were sent out on reconnaissance that morning. It worried Riza when they sent Roy out in the field like that. The best she could do was to watch his back from a distance. And so she did through the sight of her riffle. Satisfied that he was not currently in danger she resumed her scan of the battlefield.

She was lucky they were in the same company so most of the time they worked in the same area. Her training had been a true trial by fire. After about 5 months of training at military school she was sent to participate in the war to finish off her training. Her military school was very close to the madness in the desert. That made all the students at the school conveniently accessible. It wasn't just those ripe for the picking that were sent. Anyone that could manage to return fire was a good candidate for the front lines.

It was lucky for Riza that her grandfather pulled some strings and had her assigned to the company that would eventually house the alchemists. At the time she had been sent to the front the alchemists had not yet come into play. Even from the beginning though, the higher-ups knew exactly where they would be sent. Right to the front to join up with the Unit A.

So there she waited, among the blood, death, and destruction. She had become a cold-blooded killer in the name of love and honor. She threw away everything she had known and her chance for a future all to protect the man she had grown to love.

She had been there six months, waiting. Not all of it was spent on the front. Before she could join Unit A she was field tested away from the front lines, where the conflicts were more like skirmishes than war.

Her dedication and devotion kept her sane, kept her alive. War is ugly and gruesome, the emotional scars would never heal. She programmed herself to act like a robot, each day she did her job with cool efficiency. The soldiers in her unit called her "The Cold Woman".

It was fine by her she didn't care what those brainless morons thought of her. The only one whose opinion mattered to her was Roy's. And at that she was quite happy. One of the first things he had said to her when the State Alchemists arrived was that the battlefield had not diminished her beauty. Ever the ladies man indeed.

It had been another long day on the front lines of Ishval. Today had marked the extermination of District Number 27. Roy and Hughes had moved out at 1030 hours and joined up with a few other soldiers and State Alchemists. Once again Roy's powerful alchemy was used to destroy the very lives of the people he only wanted to protect.

Earlier that day he had asked Hughes why he was killing the people of his country. The reply he received was "The Ishvalans have disrupted the order of the country. The superiors in Central have ordered to eliminate them".

Those words echoed in Roy's mind as the mornings events had replayed in his head. He looked tired and haggard. Such a young man should not carry such a burden. Many men on the battlefield were young, but very few could almost single handedly wipe out an entire district on their own. Because of this Roy was used in most "extermination" missions. To kill several soldiers in the heat of battle was something they all dealt with. To kill thousands in one attack was a guilt that built up on Roy's soul.

The burden was heavy and he became bitter for it. He had withdrawn from social interaction and spent most of his time in his tent under his tattered cloak.

Roy was slightly jealous of Hughes and his happy demeanor. Maes was luck he could separate the job from the man. He said when he returned home he was going to propose to Gracia. The dream to own a home with the woman you love and having a normal life was the greatest joy in the world, or so Maes had said.

Roy wasn't so sure that people like them could attain such a goal. How could the blood soaked hands of the soldiers ever find peace and a normal life. Maes had been angry but Roy had felt it needed to be said. _'So you'll embrace the woman you love with those hands filthy with blood.'_ The words still echoed in Roy's head as he reflected on the anger that flashed in Maes' eyes at that moment.

"Hey, soup's on!" Roy was ripped from his thoughts as Maes poked his head in Roy's tent to nudge him along to dinner.

"Thanks." Was about all Roy could manage in his depressed state.

"Come on, get up! Life goes on, you have to eat." Maes gave him a sidelong glare from the tent's doorway. Looking directly at Roy the glare turned to a grin. "Of course, if you don't want to eat I guess I will have to keep you company. I got another letter from Gracia today, wanna see my new picture?"

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" Roy suddenly had an urge to get something to eat, _fast_.

"I knew you were hungry." Maes couldn't help but be satisfied with the success of his plan.

After a wonderful meal of some indiscernible slop most of the soldiers gathered for some rec time. Hughes gave Roy the choice of going over his photo collection or hanging around with the rest of the unit. Given the choices Roy didn't see where he had much of a choice.

The bulk of the social crowd was in the mess tent. Some played cards while others told stories of the days events or memories of the past. For some it would be the last time they ever had the chance.

Riza sat alone at one of the tables with 3 guns laid out in front of her. She was set to work cleaning the second of her 2 handguns. The desert was harsh on more than just humans. Sand got in **_everything_** including her guns. If she didn't clean them every day she might find one jammed when she needed it the most.

It left her with very little free time since she did it so often, but she had a job to do and she was going to do it. Someone's life depended on her and she didn't want to let him down. It is always best not to take chances.

Roy was only half listening to the conversations at the table he and Maes were sitting at. Filtering everything out of the room he only had eyes for Riza. He watched as her swift hands disassembled and reassembled each gun with precision and speed.

The course of time had only made him realize even more how much he was attracted to her. His body ached to be near her and feel her smooth skin beneath his touch. Those few times he saw her half naked form to study the sigil did nothing to help curb his imagination.

Maes was a little frustrated that Roy didn't even put any effort into taking his mind off the war. That was until he noticed that he wasn't just zoned out but was eyeing the lovely Private. _'At least he's focusing on something other than the war and his depression, if only for the moment.'_ Maes thought to himself when suddenly Roy got out of his chair and hastily left the table.

Maes turned back in the direction where Riza was seated, there he saw what must have provoked Roy to take action. Standing next to Riza was a man about the same height as Roy with a slim build and dark hair pulled back in a ponytail. They seemed to be having a conversation but Maes was too far away to hear. The man had a sly smile as he spoke to Riza who only replied with a nod that said "no" and an agitated look on her face.

"Hey babe, why don't you come back to my tent and I'll show you how to have a _real_ good time." The man's voice was filled with confidence as he spoke to Riza who just continued to clean her guns.

"No thanks." She shook her head to say "no" along with her verbal reply, never even looking up at the man.

"Come on. I know they call you "the cold woman" so why don't you help me prove them wrong." His voice continued to speak with a cocky demeanor.

"I said I am not interested." Riza enunciated her words a little this time and once again shook her head. "Maybe you should do some proving yourself and listen when someone speaks." Riza finished running the polishing cloth over the barrel and set down the gun. At that she finally looked up to the face of the persistent man.

The sly smile was now replaced with an irritated look of his own. He reached out for her shoulder to give her some physical encouragement. "I don't take no for an answer." The gleam in his eye said he was serious this time and Riza knew things were going to get messy.

Just then a hand clamped on the cocky guy's shoulder spinning him around to face a very angry looking Roy Mustang. "She said she isn't interested, I suggest you take a hike." Roy did nothing to hide the displeasure in his voice as he spoke.

"Well, well, if it isn't the cavalry." The man spoke with a new found amusement in his voice. "I was just trying to have a good time. Who do you think you are butting in on someone else's conquest?" With that he turned to leave but got in the last word before moving out of earshot. "Better watch your back, Mr. Flame Alchemist."

Roy opened his mouth for a retort but then closed it again when he decided not to bother. Riza blinked a couple of times allowing the current situation to fully sink in. She then turned her attention back to her guns and picked up the rifle.

"So." Roy pulled the chair across from Riza out from the table and spun it around before straddling it. He folded his arms and rested them on the chair back as he made himself more comfortable. "How about coming to my tent then." He couldn't help himself, it was the first thing he thought of to lighten the mood.

Riza looked up from the rifle with a puzzled expression on her face. She wasn't really sure how to reply to that one. Truth be told, if he was serious that was one invitation she wouldn't turn down. But she knew Roy really well and was afraid that it was only his bad attempt at humor.

Roy was completely unable to sense what Riza was thinking and decided it was best to move the conversation along. Especially seeing as how she had half the armory on the table in front of her. "Ah, sorry. Bad joke." He grinned at her as he scratched the back of his head.

Maes watched the interesting exchange from several tables over. He wasn't sure what had transpired but he figured that guy had been trying to pick up Riza. He wasn't surprised that Roy would jump up to her defense. He knew his best friend well enough to know it wasn't just because of a promise to her father either.

Riza finally cracked and a smile played at her lips. She went back to removing pieces from her rifle. Maes could see Roy now smiling too and the two of them now seemed to be having a conversation of their own. With that he figured him mind as well call it a night. His job was done whether he wanted it to be or not. No doubt Roy would spend the rest of his free time with Riza, or so Maes hoped.

It was pretty late when Maes noticed the light in Roy's tent which made the small abode seem to glow. Most everyone had cashed it in long ago and there wasn't a sound to be heard in the quiet desert night.

Maes made his way over to his best friend's tent and parted the flaps to allow him entrance. Roy was sitting on his cot jotting something down in a small black notebook when he entered.

"Don't you know how to knock?" Roy sounded more amused than angry when he asked the question.

"You seem in much higher spirits now. It's amazing how a woman can make you feel." Maes stated as he sat down on the cot next to Roy.

"Is that what you think? Nothing happened. We've just been talking, we have a lot of catching up to do." Roy closed the book and set it and the pen on the table near the bed.

"I know, but imagine how much better things would be if you would just admit how you feel and pursue those feelings." Maes leaned back and supported his weight with his arms behind him.

"Oh really? And how do I feel Mr. Know-It-All?" Roy looked at his friend in annoyment.

"You love her, don't you? Yet something holds you back." Maes slowed at the thought and then it dawned on him. "That's why." He suddenly added as though he had been having a different conversation.

"What are you babbling about?" Roy asked as if Maes was talking crazy.

"You." Maes answered and then continued. "That's why."

"Why what?" You aren't making any sense. Roy was totally oblivious to what the hell Maes meant.

"The reason why you keep Riza at an arms length. It's all about what you said to me this morning." Maes eyed Roy seriously as if he had just figured out some exotic secret. "You won't touch the woman you love with your hands filthy with blood."

Roy winced at the words "woman you love" and "hands filthy with blood". "Now wait just a minute, who said I loved her?" Roy became a little indignant at the thought of this being common knowledge. "I promised her father I would look after her. That's all." He made a poor attempt to feign innocence.

"Cut the bullshit Roy!" Maes' voice had a hint of anger in it as he lashed out. "Don't hand me that line. I know you better than that. This goes way beyond a promise. The way you look at her, it's written all over your face how much you want her."

Roy looked a little shocked at this statement. "I." Words in a situation like this were never Roy's friend. "I… is it really that obvious?"

"Only if someone has known you as long as I have." Maes grinned, happy that Roy had finally conceded defeat. "You do a pretty good job of hiding your emotions. I'm pretty sure she has no idea how you feel about her." Maes slapped Roy on the back and continued. "But if I'm not mistaken she seems pretty smitten with you too."

With that Maes arose from the cot and headed for the door of the tent leaving a shocked Roy behind on the cot.

"If it makes you feel any better, her hands are stained with blood too. Maybe she needs you just as much as you need her. We all share the sins of our country's ideals. If you're suffering so is she. Maybe you can both find solace in each other."

Maes' final thoughts for the night still hung in the air long after he had left. Roy continued to ponder those words until sleep finally claimed his restless form.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Notes:** Updated on 6-18-07. I Corrected several mistakes and tweaked some of my writing.

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Chapter 4

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It was another hot day in the desolate streets of some now nameless Ishvalan city. The sun's rays beat mercilessly down upon the soldiers clad in their heavy blue uniforms. Some soldiers escaped the direct rays of fiery light hidden beneath dingy tan cloaks. But they were no more fortunate than the ones without, for the extra material made it even hotter.

Riza as usual was poised upon one of the taller buildings that still remained intact enough to do so. She lay on her belly like always, cloak concealing her feminine curves. Her rifle in the ready position and an eye trained on Roy Mustang and his group. She watched as they scoured the buildings of Ishvalans to see if any had escaped the most recent extermination.

The raging fires had now died down leaving the thick smell of burnt rubble and flesh hanging in the still air. Roy stopped for a moment to catch his balance. It was sickening the way the smell of death and destruction was absorbed into every pour of his body. It clung to him as desperately as the smoke and ash that was physical proof of each city's destruction.

Each night he found himself praising the same powers that caused his torment as he showered away the days sins in a shower stall created by alchemy. He always looked forward to ending another day in the field. But no matter how he scrubbed he could never get the blood to come off his hands. Despite that fact, right now that was all he had to look forward to.

As Roy continued to move again Riza spotted a glint of sunlight off the polished metal of an Ishvalan's riffle to his left. Before the Ishvalan had the time to steady his aim Riza had already taken hers. The bullet made no sound to be heard as it tore into the man's flesh and skull leaving a small round mark and a trickle of blood that ran down his forehead.

Knowing her bullet had met its intended mark she moved on to survey the landscape for any other threats. Each day it was the same, more death and killing. The blood of the innocent as well as those who were not; further stained the hands of these soldiers who were no more guilty than their victims. Riza too, looked forward to the end of the day so she could try to wash away her sins as well. Even if that clean feeling only lasted a fleeting moment it was the only thing to look forward to at the end of the day. That and the meal that would follow, if you could call it a meal.

But it wasn't the food that Riza was ever concerned with, it was the company. Each night she found herself at a table with Roy Mustang, his best friend Maes Hughes, and sometimes the large but friendly Alex-Louis Armstrong.

Riza really liked Maes, he was a very good person and helped her keep Roy out of trouble. He was there to watch Roy's back when he was out of her sight. Maes was also a jewel in the desert, bringing light and laughter to the crowds of battle weary men. Although most thought it was an annoying practice for him to shove a picture in your face and start rattling off, it was almost appreciated in some ways. He had his own ray of hope on the battlefield and he was trying to let everyone have a ride on it.

Riza appreciated that. That was why she looked forward to any time she spent with the man. He reminded her there was a life before this war and there will be a life after it. It was something that gave her hope.

-000000-

As usual the mess tent was the liveliest place in the desert. Men ate as they laughed, joked, and told stories. You might think these men were cruel for living it up at the end of a day of killing, but for most it was just a way to stay sane. There were some who ate more quietly, limiting the amount of chatter at their table. Our attention now focuses on one such group.

"Please excuse me, I am not feeling well tonight." The large man sitting at their table excused himself with what sounded like an apology. He pushed back in his chair as he stood from the table and gave them all a curt nod. The remaining trio returned the nod back to Armstrong. He turned and walked away from the table and exited the mess tent and headed back to his quiet sanctuary.

"Such kind and gentle men don't belong on this battlefield." Riza looked to the space that Armstrong had just vacated and then across the table at Roy. As her gaze settled on him he got the feeling she was directing that statement at him just as much as Armstrong.

Roy hastily cleared his throat and returned her gaze. "Yes, well, what can we do about it now?"

"Survive." Riza's voice had a forlorn sound as she replied. "That is all we can do now. Just survive and try to rebuild our future."

"The future will always be the most important thing to work for." Maes adjusted his glasses as he let the sage words fall from his lips. "That's why it's the only thing I think about out here."

A calm silence fell upon the table as each of them reflected on what the future held. The din of the other soldier's idle chatter could be heard as well as the clinking of forks on plates. The cool desert night drifted into the tent through the seams in the sides and tied open doorways.

Riza was still reflecting on Maes' words as she crawled onto her cot and pulled the sandy feeling blanket over her soft skin. What did the future hold for her? Where would she go? What would she do after the war? The decision to enlist and become Roy's "protector" seemed easy in light of these thoughts. What if she were to die here? Then what? Who would be watching his back?

What if _he_ were to die here? Then what? Her life would no longer have purpose. They were all gone. Her father and mother… Roy was really all she had. Well, Roy and her grandfather. But he wasn't here. Only Roy was here in this Hell of sand and sun. So she clung to him desperately. Her reason for being here and her reason to want to live to see the future.

When dawn came it signaled another day in Hell was just about to begin. Riza trudged from her tent into the already hot desert sand. _Another scorching day in paradise._ Riza thought dryly to herself.

Roy and Maes were already at the usual table attacking their plates as if they had never seen food before. Such was the way every morning for decent meals were hard to come by and it seemed that even the military could cook a decent breakfast.

"Where's Armstrong?" Riza inquired as she set down her plate of food, which made a hollow thump noise.

Roy looked up at her for a moment and then shifted his gaze back to his own plate. The look in his eyes was nothing if not nervous. Like something was wrong. How true it was Riza would soon find out.

His voice started out low and he kept his eyes locked on his unmoving plate. "He was sent back last night." Roy's voice almost turned into a mumble before he could finish the sentence.

Riza made a shocked gasp before she could find any words to say. "Is he alright?" Her voice that was usually steady and calm sounded uptight, almost panicked.

Maes jumped in on the conversation to fill in the missing gaps. "He was sent back for disobeying an order. He let an Ishvalan child go yesterday. They decided he was unfit for duty so they sent him home. It will look bad on his service record, but he really is a lucky man."

Everyone was quiet for several moments before Roy finally found the need to speak again. "It's for the best really. He doesn't belong out here with us."

Riza couldn't help but think how empty the table was going to feel without his hulking presence. But she had to agree with Roy, he didn't belong out here. She was relieved that he was sent home. If only they would send Roy back home things wouldn't seem all that bad. Even if she had to stay it would make her very happy.

-000000-

It was the end of another day of purging and killing. Riza could never have imagined the trouble that would soon ensue at the hands of one of their own. As if there weren't enough problems on this man made Hell on Earth.

It was the last building they had to check before returning the camp. It was dark and still inside what was likely to have once been a happy home. Everything seemed to be cleared out. There were no signs of any Ishvalans, or at least ones that were still breathing.

As usual Riza had Roy's back as they surveyed their surroundings. She noted there was a small supply of ammunition piled by the front door. Although the home was likely to have belonged to an ordinary family at one time it was obvious it has recently housed rebels as well. It was ironic that these supplies that were meant to be used against them would be carried back to their base to be used in their benefit.

Everything seemed to be in order. All that was left was to notify the rest of their crew so they could help cart home the day's spoils "That should do it then." Roy spoke up to end the mundane silence.

"Right sir." Riza gave him a nod of acknowledgement. "All clear!" She yelled so their comrades stationed outside would hear her. It was at that point that they heard what sounded like an argument outside the door.

"Wait! Stop! What are you doing!?" A man's panicked voice could now be heard.

As Roy approached the door Riza noticed Major Zolf Kimbley standing there with his hands on the soldier in question. She immediately realized what was going on, but by that time it was already too late.

"Roy!" Riza's voice screamed in panic and she could only think to protect him from what was to come.

"Here! I think one of your officers has something to tell you, Flame Alchemist." Kimbley did nothing to hide the sneer on his face as he shoved the poor young man through the door right at Roy.

"Look out!" Riza shoved Roy with all her might away from the human bomb. They both landed on the floor with a thud as the man's body exploded and set off the pile of ammunition.

Kimbley mumbled seemingly to himself as he shoved his hands in his pockets and walked away from the scene. "I told you to watch your back, Flame Alchemist." An evil grin played across his lips as the other soldiers stayed away from him as best they could.

Part of the building was collapsed and rubble and debris now covered the entire room. Roy moaned as he tried to shake the fuzziness from his head. He was pinned to the floor beneath quite a bit of weight. He wasn't even sure he could move.

"Riza!" Roy suddenly remembered that it was her who had pushed him away from the brunt of the blast. He lifted his head as much as he could to find that one of the weights pinning him down was her very body.

He managed to pull his left arm free from the pieces of stone and spackle that now bound him. The bulk of her body lay covering his, her head lolled to the side and almost on the floor. He gingerly touched her forehead where she was now bleeding. It seemed she was just grazed by some flying debris, nothing too serious. Or so he prayed.

"Riza! Riza! Answer me! Are you ok? Roy gently shook her body with his free hand.

"Major!" A voice called from beyond the haze. "Major Mustang! Are you in there!" A voice called out to him from beyond the rubble and he felt very relieved.

"I'm here! Hurry, Hawkeye has been injured!" Roy did the best he could to hide his panic and mask it as concern for a fallen officer.

"Sir!" The remaining three soldiers from his unit quickly set to work clearing the rubble from on top of the fallen duo.

One of the soldiers gasped as he removed the last of the rubble from Hawkeye's back. "Sir! This looks bad!"

Roy struggled to sit upright as one of the other soldiers helped steady him. Gently they shifted Hawkeye to lie on the floor face down so they could examine the large wound in her back.

It was certainly a mess. A good sized piece of metal was imbedded in her back. It didn't look like it had gone all the way through but there was a lot of blood. So much blood that Roy's heart skipped several beats. _Please don't die on me!_ His thoughts screamed in his mind.

"We have to remove it." Roy's voice was steady and sure as he spoke. He fought to suppress his fear. They couldn't lose her! Not like this. Not at all! He wouldn't let it happen!

"But sir! That would be suicide! She would bleed to death if she hasn't already." One of the soldier's spoke up.

"No!" Roy was passionate in his response. "I won't let her. I'll cauterize the wound before that happens. It's the only way. If we don't remove it we can't move her back to camp. It could work deeper in and cause even more damage."

"Good point." The officer yielded to Roy's superior intellect in this situation.

"Please stand watch while I do this." Roy's command was more of a friendly request than an order.

"Yes sir!" The three men replied as they all saluted and moved outside of the dilapidated building to keep an eye out for any threats.

As soon as the men turned their backs Roy got busy removing her uniform shirt. He ripped the fabric as far as he could in all directions to give him a clear work area. The widened area revealed her pale flesh and the large tattoo on her back and the deadly secrets it held.

He thanked the god he didn't believe in that she was still unconscious. This was going to hurt, but he didn't have any other choice. He felt the pain for her as he removed the offending shrapnel. Blood immediately welled up and flowed freely from the wound. He quickly checked for internal injuries, it didn't appear to have done any damage to her spinal cord. Roy was actually surprised that it hadn't gone very deep, just enough to cause a lot of damage to her skin and the tissue below.

He took a large gulp of air and held his breath as he snapped his fingers and brought his hand down on her soft flesh. The searing of her back was enough to make him gag. He held back the urge to empty his stomach as the flesh of his love seemed to melt before his eyes.

Roy scrambled to his feet when the last of her flesh was closed off. He moved away from her body in hopes of inhaling air that didn't reek of burned flesh. He failed. The smell alone might not have made him sick if it were anyone but her. But the though that the burned flesh that invaded his senses was hers made him lose it. Suddenly all the other losses in the desert became insignificant. Even if it was only for those fleeting moments.

When he felt as if his system no longer had anything to purge he moved back to her side. She still lay unconscious, her breathing was steady. With the back of his hand he wiped the sweat from her brow.

Roy removed his uniform jacket and placed it upon her back to not only protect the wound but shield the tattoo from curious eyes. He then called for the other officers to help him get her on his back. It was the only way he could think to carry her without causing more damage than had already been done.

It was going to be a long walk back to camp.

-00000-

Riza's sight was a little fuzzy as she slowly opened her eyes. She was a bit puzzled as to where she was and how she got there. It became apparent to her that she was in a bed. She thought it might have been her own cot in her own tent. But something was still a little strange as she never slept on her stomach and that was how she now found herself.

Upon trying to move she found it quite difficult and painful. Her back felt as if someone had run a grater over it. No, it felt worse than that, but for some reason that was her first impression.

Settling for a look around the room without moving her body she turned her head so she was no longer facing the wall. She was a bit startled at first to find Roy slouched in a chair right beside her and sound asleep.

The vague images started to become clear as she started to recall the last thing she remembered before waking up. Kimbley had turned one of their own men into a human bomb. She remembered shoving Roy out of harm's way as best she could and landing on him in the fall. Given the current situation she had to assume she had done her job and protected him the way she swore she would.

Roy stirred in his sleep and his eyes drifted open as if he could feel her gaze. "You're awake." A groggy Roy couldn't really think of anything more intelligent to say than that.

"So it would seem." Riza smiled lightly, although she swore it was painful to do so. "I seem to be in a bit of pain though, especially my back."

"I would be surprised if you weren't in pain, and I am sure the painkillers have worn off by now." Roy stated in a mater of fact tone of voice. "You had a large piece of shrapnel in it. The wound had to be cauterized before we could even move you. It wasn't a pleasant experience. Please take care not to get injured like that again." Roy's face twisted into a grimace as he remembered the sickening smell and feel of her burning flesh.

"I'm sorry to cause you problems. Were you injured?" Despite her position she could only think of his well being.

"No, I was lucky. Some crazy woman shielded me with her own body." Roy gave her a serious look that said 'Don't do that again'. "She saved my life."

"She would do it again without hesitation." Riza had no reservation in her voice as she spoke. "I promised I would protect you."

"And so you have." Roy grasped her hand and squeezed it tightly in his. "And so you have."


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: **Wow! Has it been a _long_ time since I have updated! Almost a whole year has gone by since I posted chapter 4. For some reason I just could never get it together to finish the second half of this chapter. But I finally got it done, so here it is!

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**Chapter 5**

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The battle was finally over. Riza had missed the last offensive but it seemed that Roy did not need her protection any ways. The ring he wore upon his finger amplified his power ten fold and made him the most powerful walking weapon anyone had ever laid witness to.

There had never even been a chance of the enemy coming any where near him. Roy and the other State Alchemists that were stationed on the front laid waste to what was left of the Ishvalan society that day.

A wasteland. That was the best way to describe the land that spread out before Roy Mustang on his journey back to the camp. Broken pieces of society, scattered rubble, and bodies were strewn about where ever you looked.

Just a few minutes outside the camp area were the remains of a group of refugees that had tried to make it out of Ishval. Their bodies were a testimony to the horror that they had faced upon their deaths. The sight of someone alive among the bodies was something Roy did not expect to see. Upon closer examination it was an Amestris soldier. Short cropped blonde hair and a small, lean figure.

The soldier was hunched over a gathering of dirt and rocks on the ground. A small log stuck up in the center of the arrangement. It was a makeshift grave for someone, who he wasn't sure. But he quickly recognized the one tending to the grave. He approached Riza from behind. "What are you doing out here?"

Without turning to face him Riza lifted her had and replied. "I was considered well enough for duty so I was sent out to look for stragglers."

Roy let out an exasperated breath, would they never be satisfied with all this killing? They would even send out an injured young woman into battle. For what?

"Is that a comrade?" Roy frowned at the thought of yet the loss of another life.

"An Ishvalan child." Riza shook her head and continued to face away from Roy. "He was shot and left on the side of the road. When I joined the military I thought I would be able to protect people. I followed you because I believed in your dream. I had hoped that good things would come from the use of your alchemy."

She paused for a moment and Roy remained silent, he knew it all too well. "What's done is done… all we can do now is move forward. We cannot bring the dead back. I want to make sure that something like this never happens again."

Those were the words he spoke but he wasn't so sure he believed in them himself. They were reassurances from past conversations with Hughes. Roy himself was unable to move forward. He wanted desperately to bring back those whose lives he was responsible for ending. But he was sincere that he was going to make sure it never happened again

She arose from the grave and he could see unshed tears in her eyes. He couldn't help but look at her with a heavy heart. This was all _his_ fault. Because of him she was here in this wasteland and her father's alchemy had been used for evil purposes. He was sure she must hate him now.

"Let's go back to camp. You shouldn't be out here like this, your still recovering." Roy placed a gentle hand on her good shoulder and urged her towards the base camp.

Upon their return to the camp there was much celebrating by many of the soldiers. Roy didn't feel much like celebrating. He felt no joy or comfort in knowing how many lives he took that day with the snap of his blood soaked fingers.

"Roy!" Huges came up behind him and gave him a slap on the back that just about knocked him to the ground.

Roy straightened himself and regained his composure before turning to give the bispecled man an unnerving glare. "Huges!" He growled in a low and dangerous voice. He was in no mood to be patronized, not even by his best friend.

"Just glad to see you made it back in one piece buddy." Huges adjusted his glasses before continuing. "It's been a long hard road for everyone. I won't even try to make you think that anyone else has had it rougher than you though." He then motioned to the growing crowd of celebrating soldiers. "But don't be angry at them. They have nothing else left to them."

Roy's tired eyes scanned the crowd as he took in the sight. A bonfire raged in the center of an endless ring of men. They were drinking and carrying on as if the war had never happened. It was over and they were going to party like it had never come to pass. He couldn't help but feel a little disgusted.

"I think I might join them. Just to make sure they don't get too out of hand." Maes said with a smirk on his face "Young lady!" Maes turned to Riza in a scolding voice. "What are you doing out of your tent? You should be recovering."

"They sent me out on patrol today. I am fit enough for light duty around the base camp area." Riza straightened up as she spoke.

"Those bastards. They'd use their own children if they thought it would get them ahead of the game. Sending an injured woman out into the combat zone." Maes made the angriest face Riza had ever seen as he shook his fist. She decided at the sight that she didn't want to make him mad at her any time in the future.

Maes regained his normal happy go luck composure and put a friendly hand on Roy's shoulder before turning away. "Now make sure you behave, take care of the little lady. Make sure you mind your manners" With a wink he turned and trotted off. Before Roy could speak Hughes was already moving towards the crowd of rowdy and battle worn soldiers.

Roy shot Hughes an agitated look as the bespectacled man made a hasty retreat. "I'll escort you back to your tent." Roy finally found his voice after deciding against going after Huges and pummeling him.

Roy and Riza trudged through the sand in silence the entire way to Riza's tent. Although the sun had already set the heat still radiated off the sand like walking up to a hot oven. Roy parted the front of the tent, holding it open for Riza to enter and then followed behind her. The inside of the tent was dimly illuminated by the moonlight that filtered through the rough canvas.

"We should be packing up and on our way home tomorrow morning." Roy spoke against the muted sounds of partying soldiers drifting in from outside.

"You really think it will be that soon." Riza was a bit surprised that they would be packing up so quickly.

"There's really no reason to hang around. Whatever else needs to be done will be handled by enlisted men with very few high ranking officers following up the rear." Roy took a slight pause before continuing. "Since you are injured I am sure they will let you go home in the first batch. If for some reason they won't I will see to it that you do."

"That isn't necessary, I am sure you have a lot of other things to worry about. I will be fine." Riza seemed almost annoyed at the hit that she needed someone to take care of her.

Roy's face became solemn as he remembered his teacher's dying request. "My only concern is seeing you home safely. I've already failed to keep my pledge to help people using my alchemy. I will be sure not to fail the promise I made your father to look after you."

"Is that why you are always so concerned for me?" Riza couldn't hide the slight sound of betrayal in her voice. "Because you felt obligated by a promise made to my father when he died?"

"No. I am concerned about you because I care. I will see you home safely for both reasons." Roy exhaled sharply before continuing. "I know you must be angry at me for everything that has happened. I know you trusted me with the secrets of your father's alchemy and I have betrayed that trust. I don't ever expect to be forgiven by you or those that have died because of my foolishness."

"I know your intentions were noble and you never meant for any of this to happen." Riza interrupted him before he could go any deeper in regret. "This isn't your fault. You… all of us for that matter have been used by the military whose intentions are obviously not noble. But because such men exist, I am glad that the array has been destroyed. I don't want there to ever be another flame alchemist. The power is too great."

"I am going to work my way to the top and become Fuhrer. I am not just going to be a corner stone of this country. I am going to lead it to greatness. I will never allow such a massacre as Ishval to ever happen again." Roy's voice was very serious and Riza knew she could still believe in him and trust her back to his dream of the future.

-000000-

On the wings of broken dreams the weary soldiers left the war ravaged land of Ishval. The train rattled on down the lonely tracks toward the boarder of Amestris. The heads of many tired warriors lolled against the windows as the view sped by outside.

Riza lay on her stomach across her own bench, she felt as if her body and head had been disjoined. The painkillers were at their full effect and for that she was thankful. She was currently blissfully aware of nothing, so out of it that she didn't even feel her hand as it dragged back and forth on the floor as her arm dangled off the seat. Across from the almost unconscious female officer sat Roy Mustang and fellow officer Maes Hughes.

"Hawkeye." Roy's voice pierced through the hazy noise of the train's movements. "Do you need anything?" He was now leaning down near her to be sure she knew he was speaking to her.

She focused her gaze on him the best she could and her eyes fluttered as she tired to bring the edges of coherent thought to her mouth. "I…. I could… want some water. But no trouble … for you to get some."

"Wow, those painkillers are really something." Maes spoke with a wistful smirk on his face. "She's pretty out of it I would say."

Roy shot Maes an annoyed look from over his shoulder. He then chanced that no one would notice his gentle motion as he pushed an errant strand of hair out of Riza's face. He regarded her for a moment before he reached back out to help her sit up.

"Come on let's get you up then, so you can take a drink. Maes, see to her."

"Yes sir!" Maes called out to Roy's retreating back as he brought a hand up for a mock solute.

Riza just smiled at him as the whole gesture seemed silly to her. Of course pretty much everything right now in her state seemed silly. She almost felt as if she were intoxicated… wait, had she ever been intoxicated to know what that would feel like? She really wasn't sure at the moment.

Roy made his way along the sway of the car and passed through the doors to the next. It was the same thing all over again. Military uniform clad bodies were strewn about, some leaning against the windows and others sprawled out on the benches. As he approached the front of the car he didn't find the provisions he was looking for. Instead he found armed soldiers keeping a constant vigil over three soldiers who sat in handcuffs and irons on their legs.

Roy eyed them suspiciously and then recognized the one who sat with his dark hair gathered behind his head in a ponytail. He was momentarily startled and immediately rage followed after words. It was all he could do to keep himself from outright attacking the man; the man who had almost caused Riza Hawkeye's death. Roy decided it was in his best interest to ignore Kimbley's presence and he hastily moved on to the next car, keeping his head down as he passed by the guarded prisoners.

Upon entering the next car Roy was relived to find the provisions as well as the soldiers who were designated to hand them out. "I need a glass of water for my injured subordinate." Rather than worry about his relation to Riza he figured it would be best to keep it simple.

The young man nodded and proceeded to pour a glass of water for the Major. "Here you are sir." His voice held the required respect as he handed Roy the glass of tepid liquid.

"What's with the prisoners?" Roy asked as he gestured to the previous car before taking the glass form the officer's hand.

"The first two were involved in a drunken brawl. Nothing serious, they will likely be released after a reprimand at Eastern Headquarters."

"The other one is an alchemist, he turned an enlisted man into a living bomb which I heard he used against a fellow officer. After that he argued with a superior officer which he also turned into a living bomb." The young soldier looked a little unnerved at the though of such a man being in the next car over. "Many say he is crazed and unpredictable. He took joy in killing the ishvalans, even the women and children. He is to be sent to Central City where he will be put on trial for war crimes."

"I see." Roy's face hardened and his eyes narrowed at the though of anyone treating another human being the way Kimbley did. It was just disgusting. As hard as he might try it was impossible not to hate this man and he was sure that he would get what he deserved in the end. "I am sure he will be executed for his crimes." With that Roy gave the soldier a nod. "Excuse me."

Roy was not excited in the least to come face to face with Kimbley's sickening smirk as he entered the next car. It was inevitable; he wasn't going to escape this time. "Well, well, if it isn't the Flame Alchemist." Kimbely's sneer increased as he spoke and the guards stiffened at the mention of Roy's title. They had not known him by sight but everyone in Ishval knew the name of the Flame Alchemist; the hero of the Ishval war. "Isn't it funny, here we are both murderers but I am in shackles and you get to walk around freely."

Roy's eyes filled with pain and hatred as Kimbley hit him where he was weakest, using his own guilt as a weapon against him. "At least I didn't kill my own allies." That was about the only response that Roy could manage without going over the edge.

Kimbley wasn't even phased by the comment and continued on. "Heh, figures you would sugar coat things." Roy tried to get away before the situation could really get out of hand. "Speaking of sugar… how's that blonde babe that was with you doing? Too late, Roy's body froze as he found his feet were no longer willing to move at those words, slowly he turned back around. "It's too bad she was hurt like that. It was a misunderstanding, really. If I had known you were already fucking her I might have backed off."

No sooner than the words left his mouth than he was met with the butt of a riffle to the back of his head, the offending blow sending his head forward with a slump that rendered him unconscious. "I apologize for the prisoner's actions, sir!" The young guard was on his feet at attention before Roy could even clam the raging anger that was welling up inside him. It was a wonder he hadn't shattered the glass of water that his hand now held in a forgotten embrace.

Roy straightened himself as he started to regain his composure. "Kimbley, if you _ever_ harm one of my subordinates again I will kill you myself before you ever reach a court martial." Roy then turned on his heal and stalked off towards his own train car.

Maes was still attempting to engage Riza in intelligent conversation when Roy arrived back at his seat. He sat next to Riza and offered her the glass making sure to help her hold it steady as she brought it to her lips. "Go ahead and drink, I will help you."

"What took you so long Roy? Did you get lost on your way back?" Maes had begun to wonder if Roy had moved to a different train along the way.

"They are holding Kimbley at the front of the next car. We were having a nice chat." Maes was not oblivious to the venom in Roy's voice or the look of pure hatred that flashed across his eyes.

"Huh, I didn't think you two were that friendly." Maes chanced a flippant comment as he folded his arms behind his head and leaned back.

"Humph." Roy made an agitated sound of discontent at the very thought. "I guess he felt particularly chatty when he noticed me walking by. He wanted to express his concern for Hawkeye." He looked over at the injured woman as she continued to drink from the glass on her own.

"That's thoughtful." Riza spoke nonchalantly as she looked out the window as the scenery had now turned from sand to foliage as it passed by.

"Well." Maes cut in. "Her speech is improving but she still doesn't know what the hell she is talking about.

"That's for sure." Mustang gave her a mournful look as he took the glass out of her hand and passed it off to Maes. "Why don't you try to get some more rest."

She shook her head in a positive response as he reached his arm across her shoulders and drew her down to rest her head in his lap, her back safely away from rubbing against the seat.

"Get some rest… we all should." Roy spoke as he leaned his head back against the seat and closed his own eyes.

**Author's Notes:** Special thanks to reviewers like hmmingbird, Miss Mustang, obsessed dreamer, SnufflesWillRise, Melinda-chan, Cles, Flye, Rei Sabere, C.A.M.E.O.1 and Only, and fighterNOTlover. I appreciate everyone that takes the time to read my stories and especially for taking the time to leave a review.

Thank you to Melinda-chan for mentioning any mistakes. I will be fixing up the previous chapters and have been doing so with "A Time to Heal". Chapter 6 & 7 of Memories are almost ready. More updates soon!


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Notes:** Wow, another long pause between chapters. Sorry about that. Life, it gets in the way so often! But here is the next chapter, a kind of interlude if you will. Nothing too exciting, but the next chapter I promise will be an eye opener for Royai Fans. I'll explain more at the end of this chapter. 

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**Chapter 6**

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She stretched and yawned as she awoke from a restless night's sleep. Riza hadn't woken up much during the night, not that she could remember that is. But she had thrashed about last night, which had resulted in half of her covers landing on the floor in a haphazard lump.

It seemed a shame for her to already be awake at this time. Normally she would get up around this time to head in to work. But today it was not the case today it was her day off. What a waste, she could have slept in for a change.

Riza looked forward to having the day to herself for a change. She still had a lot of boxes lying around her apartment and the place was in serious need of some organizing.

She went about the task she had set in front of her. Moving this box here, unpacking that box there. She spent her time dusting, moping, whatever needed to be done. It wasn't like her to let her place look so messy. The long term neglect had been the result of all that had happened in the past few months.

Riza picked up a heavy box of books and brought it over to her kitchen table. She maneuvered the flaps and opened the top to reveal dozens of novels and different types of reference books. Some were even of alchemy, mementos of her late father, the alchemist.

Sifting through the books she sorted them out into piles and readied them for their new home on the seemingly forgotten bookcase. Reaching back into the box she pulled out a pale lavender book with a like colored ribbon tying it shut.

Riza's hand ran across the tattered cover of the diary. The diary's cloth cover was slightly scuffed and faded with age. But the memories inside still showed brightly. Undoing the ribbon, she opened the book and let the pages flutter. When she noticed the entry on the open page she couldn't help but smile.

_August 21__st_

_Father started teaching alchemy to a new apprentice today. He seems like a really nice boy and he's cute too. He was a real gentleman when I answered the door. I was quite surprised. I wasn't even aware that father was going to take in an apprentice._

_I don't really know him very well, but I have to admit there is something about him. My heart skips a beat when I think of him. I can tell he has a very kind heart. He believes that alchemy should be used for the good of the people._

_There must be something special about him. Otherwise father would not have agreed to teach him alchemy. I have to admit there is very little I know about Roy Mustang. I would really like to change that._

Turning the page with a smile, Riza continued to read the lines of her written memories.

_August 28__th_

_I went out to grandfather's ranch for some target practice today. He tells me that my shooting is better than any man's in the Amestris army. I wonder if that is really true. _

_When I returned to the house I found Roy studying alchemy again with father. He has been over every day this week. He borrows books by the armloads and is very enthusiastic about it._

_I don't know why I find him so fascinating. He seems the type to be popular with the ladies. I can't picture that as my type at all. But maybe I am wrong. Who knows? Obviously he does... Maybe I need to talk to him a little more._

_September 2__nd_

_I have decided it is a good thing I have an interest in Roy. He's starting to spend so much time here I think he's moved in. He had dinner with us last night at my father's insistence. This morning he was already working in father's study when I woke up. I think he spent the whole night in there honestly._

_Maybe I should bring him some tea and cookies._

_September 2__nd__- Second Entry_

_Ok, tea and cookies was a great idea! Father stepped out to run some errands around town so Roy was studying alone. He was very happy with the tea and cookies. He also thanked me again for dinner last night. He said he really liked my cooking. _

_I'm really happy. _

_We had a chance to have a nice talk too. I found out he is pretty popular with the ladies but hasn't had much interest. He says he's been too busy studying to care. He's been studying alchemy for a while but has had trouble without a teacher. Before alchemy he says he also studied politics. _

_But deep down I really think there is a ladies man in there. He was surprised that I am into target shooting. He said he would never expect such a thing from such a pretty young lady._

_I think I am still blushing._

Riza couldn't help but smile at what now seemed like the childish ramblings of a young teenage girl in love. She had forgotten how simple life had been at one time. Days that she had once taken for granted she now wished she could relive.

Forgetting that not all memories from that time were happy ones she skimmed several pages and found something she wished to forget.

_October 14__th_

_Father had another spell today. The doctor says he should be all right with a little bed rest. He said it would be all right for him to go back to his daily routines tomorrow. _

_I think he scared poor Roy half to death. Father hides his illness well. Roy did not even realize that father was ill. He was very concerned and hung around until after the doctor left. He even brought father's dinner to him._

_I am getting really concerned. I have tried not to dwell on it too much in the past, but I can't deny the fact that these spells are getting more frequent. This is the first time Roy has been here for one though. Usually father is able to suppress them or so I have assumed._

Riza had wished to forget her father had been so ill. Although he was never one to talk about himself she had always imagined it was quite painful. It horrified her every time she saw him cough up blood like that. Although he was strong for her when she needed him she always assumed it was hard on Roy as well.

Her father had become like a second father to Roy. Roy looked up to and admired her father more than anyone else, he had once told her. At the time she could only think of her own despair. She never really though about how Roy had felt. He had been the last one to speak to her father. He was there when he began to cough up blood and then slumped over his desk unconscious.

Over time Roy had become the most important person in her life. It all started before her father's death. But after that fact it had become even stronger.

Flipping past several pages of entries she let her eyes settle on another page.

January 23rd 

_I just can't believe what a silly girl in love I have become. I overheard Roy talking to father about someone called Maes today. It sounded like he was really close to this person. From the sounds of the name I thought Maes was a girl. _

_Father tells me that Maes is a boy. He's Roy's best friend from childhood. I was surprised that they weren't studying alchemy together. Father says Roy couldn't get him interested in it. Maes has been studying law enforcement so they haven't seen each other for a while. I guess that's part of growing up. But I don't have any friends to be separated from. I guess in some ways I'm lucky._

_January 25__th_

_I just found out today that Roy is leaving soon to join the military! My father is upset with his decision and so am I! I can't believe he decided to go through with it. Father has warned him that the military is not what it all seems. _

_Damn Roy and his kind heart! He wants more than anything to help people and protect them. He sees the military as the ultimate way to do that. They really talk a pretty speech, but is it really all that shinny and pretty? _

_There have been conflicts on our Eastern and Western boarders lately. There have also been rumors that a civil war with Ishval is imminent. What would happen to people like Roy if that's true? Are they going to fight?_

_I can't see Roy shooting people. He's too nice. I just can't see it. Or worse yet, what if he takes the test for State Alchemist? He could be used as a human weapon! I don't want that! I wish there was something I could do to protect him. _

_Please don't go Roy. Don't join the military! Even grandfather says there is a lot in the military that is evil. _

_January 27__th_

_Well, Roy is gone. He finished his last day of apprenticeship with father today. He told me he was going to miss my cooking and he ruffled my hair like I was some kid. _

_Is that how he sees me? I am thoroughly depressed now._

The next several pages were even more depressing as Riza read the passages of worry and regret. She worried about the condition of her father who grew more ill as time passed, despite the fact that he had become a man she feared. She also worried about what fate would befall Roy. The young man who she fully admitted was her first love.

She stopped to more thoughtfully examine one of the entries before her.

February 7th 

_Today father told me he was sure that Roy would some day return to us. He really wanted to teach him all the secrets of his alchemy. But father as well as I, knows that will never happen. _

_Father's time on this world grows shorter by the day. How much longer he has, no one, not even he knows. He instructed me to share the secrets of his alchemy with Roy if I felt him worthy. If he will use the power in the correct way I am to let him have all of it._

_I just hope that I can make the right decision. Love can cloud a person's judgment. _

_March 19__th_

_I can't believe it. My heart almost stopped beating. I just looked out the window and I saw Roy coming up to the front door. I can't believe I ran to my room like a scared child._

_By the time I reached my room I heard the front door close. He has just come up the stairs and entered father's study. _

_I'd be lying if I didn't say I wish I was the first person he had wanted to see. But I guess I might have got that wish if I hadn't run away and hid. _

_I'm going to go to the study now. Hopefully I won't run away this time._

_March 23__rd _

_I haven't had the desire to write these past few days. Just a moment after my last entry my life as it was had ended. I spent a lot of time wallowing in despair. Although father had become someone I no longer knew I just don't know what to do now that he is gone._

_Roy has been with me this whole time. He saw me through the day father died. He snapped me out of my misery after the funeral. It was still a couple more days after that before I could really get myself together though. Today is the first day I felt like life would really go on._

_April 5__th _

_It's been two weeks since father's funeral. Tonight after dinner Roy told me he is going to go back to his dorm at Eastern Headquarters. He's getting ready to take the alchemy exam soon. I don't want him to worry about me so I have put in extra effort at being "normal". That is, not being depressed. _

_He isn't sure if he is good enough to pass the exam yet. I want to help him, but I haven't made my decision yet. I need to do it soon. The test is just over three weeks away._

_April 7__th_

_I have been giving it more thought. I really should show Roy the secrets of father's research. I have to admit I am a little nervous though. I can't help but think that if I was going to show him my body it would be for a different reason._

_I shouldn't delude myself though. At sixteen years of age I am more tomboy than I am feminine. I am sure Roy's interest in my body will be limited to the sigil. He is after all two years older than I am. I'm sure I would be the last woman on his mind like that. I get the sinking feeling I'm like a little sister to him. _

_April 23_

_Roy is taking the State Alchemist's exam today. I wish him luck, I know it means a lot to him. I am positive he is going to make it. But that is really what I am afraid of. As much as I want him to succeed I almost want him to fail. If he becomes a State Alchemist bad things are going to happen to him._

_April 26_

_Roy stopped by tonight to tell me his good news. The results for the State Alchemist's exam were announced today. He passed with flying colors. He said the Fuhrer himself congratulated him and told him he expected great things from him_

_Roy is the youngest person to pass the State Alchemist's exam to date. That also means he is the youngest person in the Amestris military to hold the rank of Major. The eyes of Amestris are on him. Please God, watch over him and keep him safe._

Riza sighed as she placed the book on her kitchen table. There was still a lot of work to be done around the apartment. She doubted she would get it all done today but she wanted to try.

After unpacking another three boxes Riza decided it was time for a lunch break. She prepared a simple soup for her meal and sat down at her table where she resumed reading her old diary.

Skimming through several more pages she finally reached the end of the book.

October 15 

_Grandfather tells me that there is a plan to use the State Alchemists in the final stages of the war. This is likely to happen around the middle of next year. It all depends on what happens on the front lines and the status of the current roster of State Alchemists._

_If I move quickly I can make it in time. I am going to Eastern Headquarters tomorrow to sign up. Grandfather tells me he might be able to get me assigned to the same company that the State Alchemists will be in._

_Roy, I promise I will protect you._

_October 16_

_Its official, I report to Headquarters tomorrow morning at 0600 hours where I will join the other new recruits. After our orientation we are to travel by bus to the military school and training grounds where we will would normally train for one year. _

_I have been told it is likely we will be shipped off to complete our training with hands on experience in the Ishval war._

_This entry will be my last entry and marks the end of my youth. _

With a sigh and a heave of her shoulders Riza closed the book and moved to the bookshelf where she placed it with the others. That all seemed like another life by now and she could never have known how true her final words were. It really had marked the end of her youth. So much had happened since that time.

Things had not always gone the way she had planned but here she was, four years later. She was still holding true to her vow to protect this man with her life. But Roy himself had added something to this vow she had made. Without allowing her to answer he charged her with the duty of shooting him herself if he should step off of his intended path and become corrupt like the rest of them.

It was a duty she unwillingly accepted, but accepted all the same. If that time were to come she would not hesitate to pull the trigger and end it all. Not just for him, but for her own self as well, for she was also responsible for what he had become.

Even in death she vowed not to part with him, she would always be right there following him all the way.

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**Author's Notes: **I want to thank C.A.M.E.O.1 and Only, Rei Sabere,, winglessfairy25, jacksparrow589, Melinda-chan, OTP, LiLanimeGirl101, and LexyGirl89 for their reviews of chapter 5.

I am really excited about the next chapter and I have to say I really surprised myself with where it went. If this fic isn't rated M already I think I will have to change the rating. If anyone is good at beta reading and is interested I would like to get a second opinion before I post it. Anyone interested please send me a PM or let me know in your review and I will PM you.

Thanks for reading, please leave a review! The next chapter will be posted fairly soon, likely before Christmas if I find a beta reader. Take care everyone!


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